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Health & Fitness

In Memory of my son Todd C. Santos

How do you know when you are no longer grieving for a loved one? Should you be over the grieving after 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? Do you ever stop grieving, stop crying, stop having flash backs, stop wondering what life would be like if he/she were here today?

At first the grief is crushing. You go for several days, maybe weeks without thinking about him/her, no tears, no depression, nothing to remind you he/she was here. You begin to think “Well maybe I have stopped grieving.” Then you start to feel guilty, you don’t have the right to stop grieving. You start to well up inside, and there it is the tear explosion, the shortness of breath. Why me? I call it my “Todd moments”.

It’s called being blindsided, when everything is going great and suddenly you see something or hear something and your mind goes back to your loss and the tears start to flow. But, it doesn’t last long, only a couple of minutes, maybe 5 minutes. But, you hurt, boy do you hurt.

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At 11:00 pm on July 3, 2014, my son Todd, will have been gone 20 years, HE WAS 21 years old. My God, how did I survive those long, yet seemingly quick 20 years? At first I felt I didn’t have the right to live, breath or even eat. I wanted to die with him. I wanted to be buried in the same box. However, as they say, there were other plans for me, I lived, and I am trying to live well. I now have a purpose, help others in the same position that I have spent my last 20 years. Help people learn to cope and live again. I swear I had other plans for myself, but, I believe my Guardian Angels had other thoughts.

I was led into the arms of a wonderful person who would help me get out of my nasty depression, helped me to grow and taught me that I wasn’t a poor pitiful person. With her I learned to have other interests. I wrote a book “My Son Todd & My Guardian Angels, my interests in the Lions Club once again blossomed. I wrote a second book “Mystic In the 1950s”, I started a TV show “Books & Things with Tom”. I have a 19 year old grandson, Cody, whom I am very proud of. Even though the worries about his safety haunt me. Todd’s friends have grown to be adults, have children, and are still in contact with me. They are like my extended family.

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Why am I telling you this? To show that there is life after losing a loved one. The pain and suffering seems to last forever, yet they will finally subside. Once you can see the light, you can start to grow again, learn that you are still ‘someone’; you’re just missing a piece of your heart.

To all of you who have lost a loved one, child, parent, best friend, boy friend or girl friend, believe me, it will hurt, but eventually you will be okay.

 

 




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