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Fragments Of Life, Celebrating The holidays

The Holidays Are A Rough Time For Those Who Recently Lost Someone Close. Here Are Some Suggestions To Get Through This Time Of Memories. Celebrate The Holiday And Make New Memories.

As we approach the largest holiday of the year, there are some of us who will be lonely and depressed. I want you to know you are not alone; there are many people like you going through the same thing.

My son passed away 17 years ago. For me, the joyous holiday became one of my darkest times. People were having a good time trimming trees, swapping gifts, getting together with family and friends. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and awaken after January 2. “Leave me alone, so I can wallow in my depression.” The first Christmas I was forced to attend dinner at my best friend’s home where they gave me presents and tried to make me comfortable.  Unfortunately, I caught a cold and was more miserable for the next two weeks. Looking back, it was a nice thing for them to do and gave me a new memory to live with.

If you have lost a loved one, Christmas can be the worst time for you. The thought of that person not being there with you creates sadness, depression, and the feeling of loneliness, even though you are surrounded by other people you love and who love you.

You don’t want to attend the festivities, but you do anyway. The only way to live with old memories is create new ones. This year when you go to that Holiday event, you won’t be alone; your loved one’s spirit will be with you. The attendees will try their utmost to make you happy and comfortable. You may still feel out of place, but, keep in mind you are healing. You may not notice it, however, the healing process really started with the death.

I was told when my son died, I would have to go through each anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc, at least twice, before I would get more comfortable with them. It works for some people, I still feel kind of miserable when the holidays approach. I know I will cry at least two or three times. It’s OK, I’m used to it, after all it’s been 17 years.

I suggest you  attend the events, try to smile, try to enjoy yourself. If you cry, so be it, people who love you will understand. Later you will remember the event as a happy time, even though you didn’t want to be there.

Remember memories are to be enjoyed; eventually the good memories will overtake and hide the bad memories.

You will continue your new life, knowing you will never forget your lost one, and never replace them, but you will be stronger for what you have gone through.

I wish everyone a very Happy and Merry Holiday or Christmas or whatever Holiday you observe; and a new life which will get stronger every day.

For more information see my book “My Son Todd & My Guardian Angels”, by Tom Santos

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Lisa Saunders December 07, 2011 at 08:00 PM
Very nice Tom. There are many people who feel lost and lonely at the holidays--this will help remind them they are not alone. And perhaps, they can seek out others who need a visit or to be invited somewhere--which helps everyone take their minds of their own losses.
Wendy Bury December 07, 2011 at 08:16 PM
Tom, very poignant! For me, I try to always keep asking myself what our lost loved one would want for us. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, but we have to be willing to open the door to new memories. Thank you for sharing!
Teresa M. Norris December 07, 2011 at 08:50 PM
You've put into words what so many people do understandably feel at this time of the year. It's good to read and reflect and have this resonate with each one of us. After all, sharing these experiences joins us closer to that "extended family" called the human race. Thank you for sharing these personal thoughts and giving such good advice.
Elaine Violette December 07, 2011 at 11:12 PM
Thank you, Tom, for sharing. My son died 26 years ago on December 5th, but how could it be that long when each anniversary, each birthday, and each dwelling on his young 17 years can bring tears so easily? You are so right that this time of year (once my favorite) can cause depression. I have learned that I need to have a good cry, then wash my face, fluff my hair back, reach out, keep busy, and thank the Lord for my wonderful family and friends. My heart goes out to all who struggle during this time and I, too, encourage everyone to live and love as fully as you can. It's what our loved ones want for us.
richard vittorioso December 08, 2011 at 02:32 AM
Very deep and touching Tom. A great inspiration for anyone who has ever suffered a loss of a loved one especially at this time of the year.
Amy December 09, 2011 at 03:03 PM
You've brought another tear to my eye. It is a strange emotion to experience when the thought of a loved one who has passed can all at once easily fill you with warmth and happiness and the deepest sorrow. I don't know if we can ever get through a birthday or holiday season with the same joy we used to share. Thank you for sharing the importance of trying and moving forward, not to forget, but to remember and to create new memories. Todd is still thought of and greatly missed by us all. Love to you and wishes for a happy holiday season. -Amy L'Heureux-Schmardel

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